WELCOME TO RRRRRRUM RRUUUUMMMBLLLEEEE!!!!

In the green corner, straight out of Jamaica, the defending champion since 1825, ladies and gendlemen, give it up for WRAY & NEPHEW! The godfather of funk, the heavyweight of ABV, this old grandpa will still slam your ass on the ground!

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s the fruity, the flavorful, the unforgettable— THE FUNK! Packed with flavor that is out of this world, this rum just might be your kryptonite!

Stepping into the ring next, clad in black, the one who doesn’t even need super powers. It’s Worthy Park Overproof! Worthy Park’s own champion has come with no flash, no theatrics, just cold, precise punches of funk.

And finally, can you feel the heat? It’s the one known only as RUM FIRE! It doesn’t even need to fight. Take the cap off, and it just takes over the room like a raging inferno.

Alright, writing that and making the image was fun. Tasting them all was fun too. There’s a few faces missing from this contest, and I’ll explain why.

Rum-Bar OP: I simply couldn’t find it. I swear I saw it around before, but now it’s gone and I haven’t seen it since.

Monymusk OP: I see it in nearby stores, but I heard a lot of bad stuff about it, and they don’t sell it in sizes smaller than 1L, so without the ability to taste it first, I decided to hold off for now.

Kingston Queen / any others: I have never seen this one in stores, ever.

Review

Smell

Wray & Nephew: Very distinct classic fruity funky Jamaican white rum smell. Pineapple, rotten bananas, a bit of gym sock.

The Funk: Very bright and fruity, and a bit grassy. It’s actually very similar to the smell that I remember from Hamilton Jamaica pot still gold.

Worthy Park OP: The weakest on the nose. A bit fruity, a bit grassy, a bit alcohol burn, and a bit industrial rubber.

Rum Fire: By far the strongest on the nose, and the cleanest fruit smell. Some others have some grassy, or industrial, or other weird smell, but this is just the cleanest smell of mango and pineapple.

So far, on the nose, I like Rum Fire the most and Worthy Park the least.

Taste

Wray & Nephew: Classic taste. Kinda harsh, kinda industrial, but lots of pineapple and rotten banana. It’s sort of the baseline for the category. This taste is the taste to beat.

The Funk: Grassy, fruity funk. It very much reminded me of Hamilton Jamaica pot still gold, so I took it out and smelled the two and tasted the two side by side, and The Funk really is like a more concentrated version of it. And actually, it’s kind of similar to Worthy Park 9th floor cane juice, but less concentrated. That said, as much as I didn’t like the Hamilton, for some reason, I love this flavor.

Worthy Park OP: By far the harshest. Not as fruity as the previous two rums, yet about as industrial tasting as Wray & Nephew.

Rum Fire: Clearly the most flavorful. Bursting with pineapple, tropical fruit, though it’s by far the most concentrated, to the point where it’s hard to drink it without a lot of saliva, otherwise I just get overwhelmed.

So far, on the palate, it’s a close call. I like Rum Fire the most flavor-wise, but it’s just hard to sip.

That’s ok, because none of these are sipping rums, so our next match is the daiquiri!

Wray & Nephew: Solid. A bit of an industrial taste for sure, but the fruity funk is great. I’d drink a Wray daiquiri and be happy.

The Funk: Even better. Fruitier, a bit grassy, not even a bit industrial, just a good daiquiri.

Worthy Park OP: Way harsh, way industrial, way bitter. It’s not even that fruity.

Rum Fire: Crazy strong funk. Not even a daiquiri tames it. I’d have to do a split base with some more neutral rum. It’s incredible that the funk manages to completely outshine the rest of the daiquiri— I can barely taste the lime.

I can’t lie, I can’t give Rum Fire the win. It’s just not a balanced daiquiri. The one I actually enjoyed most was the one with The Funk. As usual, Worthy Park is last.

And last, but certainly not least, is the Ting-off! Actually, I just tasted Ting, so maybe it is last and least. I grew up drinking Squirt, and that’s my baseline for how a grapefruit soda tastes, and I am not going to lie, Ting just sort of has less grapefruit flavor, and actually has a metallic taste. Maybe the bottle is just super old. Anyway, I am using a 3:1 Ting to rum ratio, as that seems like approximately what is standard.

Wray & Nephew: I just don’t like this combo. Sweet, bitter, boozy… but it’s not my vibe.

The Funk: Way better! More fruity, less bitter, and actually I enjoy this.

Worthy Park OP: Ew. Tastes like a skunky beer was poured in the last one. Harsh, bitter, worse than Wray.

Rum Fire: Really good. Sweet, light, and fruity. I think I like it about equal with The Funk. The funky flavor definitely comes through stronger, but at 3:1 dilution it’s now drinkable.

Verdict 7.25/10

Wray is just Wray. It’s the baseline. It was one of the first rums that I rated, and it sat at a 6/10, and I think that it still sits at a 6/10. It’s very good. Classic fruity Jamaican funk, bold, flavorful, but dragged down by its unrefined nature and industrial off-tastes.

The Funk is the overall winner with 7.5/10, and it was hard picking it over Rum Fire, but it just consistently had the edge by being enjoyable in the regular proportions. Now, looking at things another way, maybe you have a way higher tolerance for funk than I do. Or maybe, you see that Rum Fire is not only cheaper than The Funk, but also more flavorful, so you can do a split base with Bacardi and have an equally good daiquiri for almost half the price. That’s a very valid argument, and I am only evaluating these rums as they are presented in their original form. For example, I didn’t really like Hamilton Jamaica pot still gold straight or in a daiquiri, but I loved the Jungle Bird that I made with it. I am sure that Rum Fire has its place, and I look forward to revisiting this review at a later date. Maybe even with some of the other Jamaican white overproofs. For now, Rum Fire gets a respectable 7.25/10.

And Worthy Park shit the bed, making him tonight’s biggest loser. 5/10.